Discovering how to truly value your worth as a human being can be challenging for so many people.
I can say finding the meaning of self-worth can be a challenge. Definitely.
For me, I never really thought too in-depth about self-worth until I became a mom.
I became a mother for the first time after years of struggling with infertility, and as excited and relieved as I was to bring my beautiful first born, Harley, into this world, it was a total shock to find out only three months later that I was pregnant again!
My husband and I were so excited, but also super nervous because we were both first-time parents who were simply clueless on how to navigate this life we now found ourselves in. Not only did we now have our beautiful brand new baby girl, but we were now having to face having two children less than a year apart!
To make things a bit more challenging than the challenges we were already facing as first-time parents, the pregnancy of our second brought fatigue so intense that I sometimes feel robbed of enjoying all the “firsts” of my darling Harley’s first year of life.
Fast-forward to a week before Harley’s first birthday when our second daughter was born. My sweet Skye. Unfortunately, her birth ended in an emergency c-section, and a week-long stay at the NICU because she stopped breathing shortly after delivery. It was very traumatic and continued to be so for the next year as she had a very rough first year of life. There were many reasons for her first year being so rough, but she was and is a fighter and I’ll always be grateful for this!
Becoming A Mother Can Be Traumatic
Fighter though that she was (and still is!), she was also a continuous crier for the first six months earth-side. To put a cherry on top, unfortunately, I experienced severe postpartum depression, unlike anything I ever want to experience again or would wish upon anyone.
Let’s just say, through the hardships and the good times too, I experienced nearly two full years of being in a perpetual state of extreme survival mode. Being a first time mom to Irish twins, navigating postpartum depression, sleep deprivation, etc. it seemed that when things finally mellowed out a bit, it was genuinely like I “woke up” from a two year long dream!
Related: Is This Motherhood? Keep An Open-Mind
Who Am I, Now?
When I “woke-up” I can honestly say I had NO idea who I was anymore. The person and woman I thought I was before becoming a mother didn’t exist.
I could hardly recall who she was… the interests I remembered having didn’t appeal to me anymore, at least not in the same way.
Ready for a tangent? I’d say the most drastic change was the fact that I didn’t even like animals the same way that I used to! (I’ve learned since that this is an actual “thing”, like some chemical change in one’s brain that can literally change you. And although it affects people differently, and some report to have it revert to how they felt before, mine never has to this day) and before you get worried that I’m some animal hater, that’s not the case, but there was a definite shift that never shifted back in regards to how I felt towards my pets. Anywho.. continuing on… ha ha.
When I started really self-reflecting on life and who I was as a woman, as a mother, and as a person, I found my self-worth was just lower than low. It was horrible. I felt like I had NO self-worth, and worse? I genuinely felt and believed that I hated myself.
How Do You Possibly Start With Building Self-Worth?
It took a lot of work to attempt to shift this mindset. I had to dig deep to find that courage to even want to change.
My biggest motivation? My girls and my husband.
There Is Power In Choice
I hated myself but thought long and hard about how it could affect my little family, especially my children if I stayed in the headspace I was living in. Or worse, if I wasn’t there at all for them.
So, I had no choice but to face the fact that I believe it is my responsibility to raise my daughters to be the best they can be as human beings, and if that’s the case, I had to face the hard truth that my actions or inactions directly play a part in that responsibility as their mother.
Not only did I want them to be raised “well”, I wanted them to be raised knowing without a doubt that they are loved unconditionally and to instill a sense of positive self-worth into them that will be a foundation for their whole lives.
The thing that really started to shift my mentality is the reality that actions speak so much louder than words.
I know firsthand how it feels to be told something by someone you look up to, only to witness that they don’t believe that of themselves. It’s easy to not take their words to heart when their actions don’t line up. It hurts.
It Starts With Me
So rather than just tell my girls how wonderful I think they are, or beautiful, or all the positives I know I want to compliment them with (of course knowing I believe those things of them) I found it’s important to show them these things through example first, and that starts with me. How can I expect them to believe they’re beautiful and loved, if I don’t believe that I am beautiful or loved?
Frankly, it’s kind of hard to describe in words, but I feel deeply that if I don’t show them what self-love really looks like, by actually and genuinely loving myself, then how am I possibly supposed to teach them how important this is to have in their own life?
This line of thinking made me decide then and there, that if I am going to be the best mom I can be, then I have to start with improving my self-worth and learn what it means to love myself so that I can then be honest in my efforts to lead by example.
It is a continuous effort on my part to try and adjust this view of who I am and what I believe I am worth. I know how worthy my kids are though and they deserve and are 1000000% worthy of a good mother so that’s what I intend to be for them. Inside and out.
Make The Decision
I decided to not give up and to always promise to get up and try again when I make a mistake, to apologize when needed, and to continuously strive to improve. With these efforts, I began to believe that I WILL get there someday. I’m so much closer than I was yesterday.
There have been many things that have helped me cope with the adjustment of my self-identity and in my learning about who exactly I am now and who I want to be.
I believe in the power of choice, and I choose to love the woman I am now with all her flaws and imperfections and I choose to love the woman I am becoming through my efforts.
I think positive self-worth is a continuous goal, one that always applies as something to strive towards, not something that you achieve once then are done. It can also be redefined as you grow.
It’s important to me to be a positive example to my children and to do better each day with my choices. My genuine hope is that through my efforts, I can also be an example and a positive light to someone who may be going through the same hardships I’ve endured. If this is you, please know that you’re not alone in your feelings.
The journey may be hard, but it does get better.
Give yourself grace. Have compassion for your circumstances.
Life isn’t easy. Living with our thoughts when they’re dark and gloomy is not easy.
But by recognizing that we have the power to change our thoughts, and our circumstances, and to get up and try again, we give ourselves strength.
By doing these things and finding the help or motivation -be it internal or through therapy or a trusted friend- needed to assist in improving (even in small amounts each day) you will soon find yourself looking back at how far you’ve made it. Finding that you’re stronger today than you were yesterday. That you’re stronger than you think in general. That it’s going to be okay.
I’d love to hear any tips you may have on what you’ve tried to improve your self-worth! Feel free to comment below and check out my other posts on methods that have helped me in my journey to improve my mindset 🙂
