Anyone who is a parent can probably agree that this particular –imperfect journey of parenthood– is filled with love, joy, and countless precious moments.
But let’s be real – it can also be one of the most chaotic and challenging experiences that life has to offer.
From the beginning, we’re faced with restless or sleepless nights and (at least in my case) must come to terms with the fact that a complete night of sleep is no longer possible, even as my children grow older. It’s as if my internal clock now functions to wake me up at regular intervals, or I’ve become an incredibly light sleeper, capable of waking up at the slightest sound, just in case it’s my kids.
On top of the sleepless nights, let’s not forget the temper tantrums or endless messes we need to clean up.
I think it’s safe to say that raising children can push us to our limits.
In this blog post, I wanted to explore some of the realities of parenting, the ups and the downs, and how embracing imperfections amidst the chaos can lead to a more authentic, and perhaps more fulfilling, parenting experience.
The Imperfect Journey Of Parenthood: The Myth Of The Perfect Parent
Spoiler alert: The “Perfect Parent” doesn’t exist.
You may have seen such a thing on social media, or in parenting books, or hey – a well-meaning relative or friend may have led you to believe that this concept is a reality. But just like there’s no “perfect” person out there, (except for Jesus), it should be easy to remember that there’s also no such thing as a flawless parent.
There’s a great article on dealing with the “perfect parent syndrome” by Sue Donnellan, a parenting specialist (there’s such a thing as a parenting specialist?). You can check it out here on “Ask Mom Parenting”.
If you’re like me though, maybe you still try to live up to this impossible standard, then consistently fall short – leading to all kinds of negatives such as low self-esteem, overwhelming mom guilt, and just an overall sense of failure.
This is where I want to share some experiences in imperfect parenting that maybe can help others like myself who are striving for self-improvement and more fulfillment in their daily lives.
A real approach, from a totally imperfect person and mother.
Embracing Imperfection:
I find I need to constantly remind myself that I don’t need to strive for flawless perfection. Of course, this can be difficult because that’s who I want to be for my kids, but I’m finding more and more that embracing imperfection is a natural –and huge– part of the journey we call parenthood.
Embracing imperfection does not imply compromising my standards or abandoning my goals as a mother. It merely involves showing myself grace and acknowledging my human nature, which is inherently flawed.
It’s important to let go of unrealistic expectations and allow imperfections so we can authentically be ourselves.
Letting Go of Mom Guilt
Ah, mom guilt – this seems to be my constant companion.
I feel this ALL. THE. TIME.
Whether it’s feeling guilty for being pregnant and tired so I’m unable to keep up with my two little girls and their high energy, for losing my temper during a particularly challenging day, or just my simply not measuring up to the impossible standards I still sometimes unintentionally set for myself due to what society seems to deem as “acceptable” – Ugh, this mom guilt can be so heavy!
Related: Is This Motherhood? Keep An Open-Mind.
Here’s the thing that I need to face and truly accept as truth (and maybe it could help you too if you’re sitting in the same boat as me): Mom guilt serves NO purpose except to make us feel bad about ourselves!
So if this is the case, what can we do to let go of mom guilt, at least the overwhelming crushing kind that makes it impossible to function, and embrace self-compassion instead?
Finding Balance:
One of the biggest challenges in parenting is that of finding balance. This can be a balance between work and family, between the needs of our kids and those of our own, the list can go on and on.
Balance is a delicate dance that can feel impossible to master.
Finding balance doesn’t need to mean finding the perfect middle-ground at all times though, but instead can simply mean finding what works for you and your family at any given moment and being flexible enough to adapt when things inevitably don’t go as planned.
Navigating Parenting Styles
Every parent has a unique style of parenting. This is a good thing, but sometimes can be a challenge when our own style clashes with those of our partner, or other family members or friends.
There’s probably been a situation at one point or another in your own journey where this clash created tension or conflict – this can really suck!
It’s important to explore some strategies for navigating differing parenting views and to have a mindset of grace and understanding so we can realize and accept that there’s not a one-size-fits-all approach to raising children.
What works for my kids, may not work for your kids. And this is okay.
You as their parent know them better than ANYONE outside of your home, so it’s important to let the opinions of others roll off your back, and if there’s a differing view between you and your partner? then approach that specific issue on its own and try to find a common ground that you both can agree on.
Practicing Self-Care
Oh the dilemma of self-care! Especially after becoming a mother!
After becoming a parent, you may find that you put your own needs on the back burner so as to take care of your children.
Having become a parent, it is common to prioritize the needs of your children over your own.
It’s kinda crazy that I never realized the importance of the concept “we can’t pour from an empty cup” until I became a mom. So I had to find some practical ways to incorporate self-care into my daily life, even amidst the chaos.
I don’t go all out like I used to, and frankly can’t believe I used to spend an average of two hours getting ready for the day (who has that kind of time!?), but simply brushing my hair, showering regularly, wearing deodorant, and washing my face each morning can really improve my self-esteem and capabilities to face the day a little better!
I also feel it’s important to point out that part of self-care is to also make sure to truly connect with the people in your life, even when (or maybe I should say, ESPECIALLY when) life gets crazy.
Cultivating Connection
In the midst of the chaos of parenthood, it’s easy to lose sight of the importance of connection – both with our children and with our partners and friends.
I believe that strong, healthy relationships are the foundation of a happy family.
So what are some ways to cultivate a deeper connection with our partners? Open communication, mutual support, and scheduling regular date nights.
As for our kids? Make time for meaningful conversations and genuine affection. I’ve found that giving them a minimum of fifteen minutes of uninterrupted attention (no work, phones, tv, etc.) goes a long way in making them feel important, and it also helps me to feel more connected to them in return, which is a win-win.
Find Joy in the Mess
Are you a bit of a perfectionist? I am totally guilty of this.
I can’t believe how much the “mess” gets to me sometimes.
Parenting is messy – both literally and figuratively.
Each day presents its own element of unpredictability often making things challenging to navigate. However, I have discovered that in moments when I feel overwhelmed and have simply given up, there have been many instances within that disorder that turned out to be truly enchanting and even brimming with happiness.
It’s been these small moments that have made it all feel worthwhile. Describing this experience to someone who hasn’t felt it can be difficult, but if you know you know.
It’s important to find ways to enjoy the messiness that comes with raising little humans. Find ways to slow down and enjoy the laughter, the play, and the imagination their little brains can muster, and to just savor the little moments.
Conclusion:
I think we as parents can all agree that this journey is a wild ride. It’s full of highs and lows, triumphs and hardships. But without the ability to embrace the imperfections of it all, how are we to navigate the challenging times with grace and authenticity?
I have to say this often because I in no way want to come across like I’ve got it all figured out. This is just my journey to find more fulfillment and provide more fulfillment to my family and friends (or bonus – to someone like you!). But I am not perfect. I am far from it.
But I’m surprised to admit that I am personally grateful for the hard times, because it’s in those times that I’ve been and continue to be taught to grow.
It sounds pretty cliche, I know. And you may have heard something similar many times.
But I find that anytime I’ve sat back, forced by the events of the day or otherwise, and just embraced the chaos that being a mother undoubtedly brings, there is so much beauty to be found in those imperfect moments.
If we’re willing to let go of the idea that we have to be “perfect” all the time, then we can see how meaningful the imperfect moments can be.
What are some of the ways you’ve been able to let go of being “perfect” and found beauty in the chaos of parenthood? I’d love to hear your stories! Leave a comment below.
