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I’m baaaack!
Though I didn’t leave anywhere physically, you may have noticed there hasn’t been a new post here in a few weeks.
I had a good reason for my absence. What’s this reason, you ask? Well, I delivered my third baby! And my very first BOY! I’m so in love.
Though grateful to have my son here and as obsessed with him as I am, these last few weeks have been quite a whirlwind.
The emotions felt within motherhood have been within pretty much every category of emotion there possibly is!
Sometimes, and definitely lately, I really wish there was a guide on what to expect when having a baby, especially in regard to each new child. A guide for expectations vs. reality.
Though I am FULLY aware that this concept is impossible since each soul that comes into this world is unique, I still find myself surprised that I almost expected to have it down this time.
I mean, I’ve had TWO babies before this one! Not to mention, my second child was NO EASY FEAT, especially that first year of her life…
So, was it wrong to think I should have had a pretty good idea of what I’d expect with this new addition? Even if my experience was with girls, a boy baby is still a baby, right?
I’ve dedicated this blog to my efforts to create a more fulfilling life and discover my ultimate potential.
I fully intend to discover my dream self and life — and take anyone interested in following along or improving their own lives with me on this journey.
But I’ve found that as much as I want to focus MORE on the positives in life, it’s also important to give you, my readers, the real me at all times.
Well, my friends, life is not always so positive.
Life has a lot of hardships and challenges that can be very powerful and oh-so difficult to overcome.
This post is in no way intended to dip into the dark areas of life in general nor serve as a depressing tale, but I find myself feeling the need to share this personal story of what life can really look and feel like, especially in the early weeks of postpartum.
Real. Raw. True.
I think it’s safe to say that welcoming a child into the family brings with it a whirlwind of emotions, surprises, and expectations.
I’m not an expert. I don’t think I ever will be.
Each of my babies has brought their own unique joys and challenges, and the transition from one to two, and now three, for anyone, can be particularly intense.
I have to admit though, I prayed this sweet baby would be EASY. I didn’t want to go through the challenges I faced with my second all over again.
Though I wouldn’t trade her for the world or what I had to go through in order to have her here, I’ve still felt a fear – no, terror- on a level that I’ve never felt before while I was expecting my son.
Why? Because I suffered through a severe case of postpartum depression for the first year of my second daughter’s life, and being that she’s now only two and a half, that year and a half of improvement has felt incredibly short and those memories are still very present.
Honestly, I’m not sure I can ever say I’ve fully healed from postpartum depression. I still only hope it won’t be staying with me forever.
Maybe some will find my use of words such as “suffered” and “severe postpartum depression” a stretch or a little extreme.
But as those of you who have been through it will know, there’s truly no lesser words that would do such an experience justice.
In this blog post, I want to explore the unfiltered realities of becoming a mother, even for the third time.
I want to delve into the emotions involved and share some insights on what to expect after having a third baby. (I believe this would still apply if this was your first baby too).
At least within the first couple weeks.
As for anything further, stay tuned. There’s pretty much a guarantee that I’ll be adding to this story…
Chapter 1: Expect A Rollercoaster of Emotions
After dealing with infertility for nearly five years, I could say that my first pregnancy was a surprise, but with the reality that we were trying to conceive for so long, it was ultimately just a huge blessing and success in all the good ways!
The true “surprise” pregnancies were definitely my second (three months postpartum from my first) and again with my third, as I hadn’t even regulated in the “female department” after my second child was born.
Though each pregnancy was a total joy to discover and as a woman who dealt with infertility, I will never discount the insane gratitude I feel with being able to not only have one child, but three.
With that said, the moment I discovered I was pregnant for the third time, a wave of emotions crashed over me.
Excitement was felt, definitely, but it was also mingled with anxiety, and also fear.
Questions flooded my mind. Can I handle another child? Will I have enough love to give another child? (This one’s kinda silly cause I KNEW I did, but sometimes when you feel your heart is loving your two children at max capacity, it can still baffle your mind that it has the ability to grow even further).
Other questions I had were around how it would affect my family dynamic, and how I could possibly navigate three children alone while my husband works during the week. As of writing this, he’s yet to return to work so this one’s still a mystery.
Having two little ones has been tough in its own sense, but as my girls have grown older, while other challenges for sure have arisen and will continue to present, there has also been a shift in my capabilities over these past four years and I felt I finally had a routine in place to be able to handle things as they were.
I also felt like although I couldn’t literally split myself in two and give each daughter my entire self while they were both demanding my attention, I at least had two arms they could each hold onto – how in the world could I split myself into three? This, I knew, would and will be impossible.
I spent my entire pregnancy attempting to embrace these emotions, and know many mothers have navigated this journey before me and have come out stronger on the other side. But I had to admit that I often wondered, and find myself still wondering…will I?
Chapter 2: Motherhood Is A Balancing Act: Managing Expectation Is A Whole New Ballgame
Now that my son is born, I can already say that one of my biggest surprises is the expectations I had in how this new newborn experience would be.
Already having two children in the picture, I suppose there’s a tendency to compare my new journey with those of my previous experiences.
Though I learned that my second baby was by no means similar in any way to my first, I still fell into the expectation that maybe my experiences with my two girls would make this third child a no-brainer…
I should already know every child is different. What worked for my first, didn’t work for my second — so I definitely cannot assume what’s going to work or not for my third.
I admit though, that due to the experiences I had during postpartum depression, all I hoped and prayed for over these last few months has been that my son would be my easiest baby yet!
Related: Is This Motherhood? Keep An Open-Mind.
Well, I’m finding that he is both easy…and not.
What does that even mean?
Well, his spirit and demeanor, when he’s feeling well, is calm and oh-so-sweet, but as he’s suffering from some belly issues that are caused by: to be determined (reflux?)…He’s started crying hysterically pretty much every waking moment since he turned about ten days old.
This has been quite a mindset challenge for me. And I’ve definitely been using my Stress-Away and Lavender essential oils continuously! (I highly recommend this by the way).
I’m working on embracing flexibility and attempting to be gentle with myself as I navigate these uncharted waters of parenting three little ones.
But what I wish could have been provided in a “guide” to this new chapter, was the fact that it’s possible to have PTSD from past experiences that can lay somewhat dormant in our bodies, then present itself when faced with familiar circumstances…
The first week of my sweet babies life was spent mostly sleeping (both him, and I).
I underwent a c-section for the second time, something that I didn’t wish to do but was given no other choice.
Thankfully, it went better than my first. But I know I have a whole new experience of “trauma” that I’ll need to work through mentally in my healing journey.
When I wasn’t sleeping that first week, I just held my sweet baby and can honestly say that although I was in a lot of pain, I felt so much joy and relief because he seemed to be exactly how I prayed he would be. Calm, peaceful, and easy.
This changed though by the second week when he seemed to develop reflux… or to be determined.
Since he’s now crying at all waking moments, he’s just needing to be held at all times, awake or asleep. And the efforts to calm him have been no easy feat.
Though I don’t begrudge having to give him comfort, as I know he doesn’t know what’s happening and this new life must be so scary after leaving the comfort of my womb, I’ve still found this incredibly challenging mentally and physically, as it’s brought with it a lot of not so good memories of me in my worst states, and has made it difficult to tend to any other needs – both for my girls and for myself.
To add to the mental side of things, I went through the struggle of breastfeeding and failing to latch both my daughters, so I was determined to succeed this time.
What I didn’t expect was to not succeed for a third time.
I worked with a lactation consultant, have been pumping as often as I am able, and continue to attempt to latch… but what I also wish was in my “guide” for what to expect, is that it’s possible to feel like a complete failure (for a third time) yet have it feel like the very first time.
To give myself some grace, I haven’t given up. But I won’t deny this is a struggle and has caused many tears.
On a brighter note, I can say that though my mental health is going down “not so great memory lane”, I do believe I’m stronger than I have been in the past, and I’m determined to say a few weeks, or maybe a few months from now, that “I managed just fine”.
Chapter 3: It’s Important To Find Your Tribe
During the early days of motherhood, having a support system can make all the difference.
I’ve said before that I’m a girl without a “village” but knowing that I still made arrangements to make sure I had some support for these first few weeks and I can truly say it’s already saved my life in more ways than one.
Whether it’s family, friends, or fellow moms, please surround yourself with people who understand the joys and struggles of raising multiple children.
For me, this has so far consisted of my husband and when she can, my mom. But reach out for help when you need it and offer support to others in return.
Building a strong support system can not only ease your transition but also create stronger bonds that will mean so much down the road.
Chapter 4: Try To Embrace The Chaos
I’m learning to face it: life with three kids is and will be chaotic.
From juggling schedules, sleep, and not to mention healing — to managing the tantrums of my older girls, there’s not been a dull moment yet.
Did I also mention both my girls developed the worst flu I’ve ever seen during the week leading up to my c-section? Yes. Yes, they did.
That is quite the story that I never hope to have to live through again.
I’m telling myself this daily, but maybe this will help you too: try to embrace the chaos.
Find beauty in the messiness that is motherhood.
Remember that perfection is unattainable, and it’s okay to let go of the need to have everything under control.
Attempt to lean into the spontaneity of each day, and find joy in the little moments that undoubtedly will make parenting three children so incredibly rewarding.
Chapter 5: Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
One thing I can say I know will be crucial in my recovery is self-care.
With my second, I didn’t allow myself to rest nor did I allow myself to hand my baby over to someone less tired than I so I could catch up on a little rest and show up a little stronger.
This time, I’ve made sure to do so. Even if I’ve felt resistant.
Amidst the chaos of motherhood, it’s easy to neglect our own needs.
However, self-care is so much more important than ever when you’re raising little ones.
Make time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes each day.
Whether it’s going for a walk, indulging in a favorite hobby, or simply taking a long, hot shower — prioritize self-care to recharge and replenish your energy whenever and however you can.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
This point at least, can be a guide to pretty much any mom in need.
Chapter 6: Celebrating Milestones, Big and Small
I’ve found that as your family grows, so too do the milestones.
From first smiles to first words, each moment is truly a cause for celebration.
I’d advise that you take the time to savor these precious milestones and create all the memories with your children.
Whether it’s taking five minutes to hold my daughter’s hands and giving each eye contact as I’ve told them how proud I am to be their mom, and how beautiful I find them…Find ways to celebrate the uniqueness of each child and cherish the bond that binds your family together.
I’ve already found it a tremendous help mentally to cling to these joyous moments especially when I’m navigating a challenging one.
Chapter 7: Embracing Imperfection
I’ve stressed this point a lot in this blog, but as it’s a struggle I deal with personally I find it important to say yet again: in a world that often glorifies perfection, it’s so important to embrace the imperfections of motherhood and in being human in general.
You may not have it all figured out, and that’s okay.
I definitely don’t.
Parenting is a journey filled with highs and lows.
It’s hard sometimes, but embrace the messiness, try to learn from your mistakes, and above all, love fiercely with your whole heart. Its capabilities are truly endless.
Remember that you are enough, just as you are, and that your children are lucky to have you as their mom.
Conclusion:
I’ve found that becoming a mother for the third time is another journey like no other. It’s been messy, it’s definitely been chaotic, but it’s also incredibly beautiful.
All I can say is try your best. Always. And forgive yourself when you fall short because you will. Just show up again and don’t give up.
Try to embrace emotions — even sadness or despair.
Try to manage your expectations, (it helps me to try not to “expect” anything specific in general), and surround yourself with as much support as you can muster.
Remember to prioritize self-care and celebrate the milestones, big and small.
And above all, embrace the imperfections of motherhood.
You’ve got this.
I’d love to hear your own stories of what you wish you could have been told to expect with your new little ones. What helped you to overcome some of the low emotions your bound to feel? And what are some ways you gave yourself grace in the tough moments?
Comment below!
