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When you think of embracing the concept of self love, what does that bring to your mind?
Raise your hand if you’ve been given a ticket to a self-help seminar a time or two.
Or maybe you bought those tickets yourself! (heyyy…no shame!)
Well, I have to confess: I hate seminars.
Whatever name they want to use to describe the event, a seminar is something I’d label as “a self-help workshop of misery”.
Yes, of course, I believe they have their “good” aspects, but when I found myself being forced to stand up and dance AGAIN in order to cultivate my so-called “breakthrough”, only to find I would probably be needed to purchase a one-on-one with the speaker to fully “get-there”… OMG! Kill me now.
I don’t know… I was “gifted” these tickets, so maybe I went out of guilt and unknowingly brought an already present resentment towards the whole event with me, but by the second or third time I attended one (yes, each one was given to me as a gift – maybe it’s my RBF! Decoding The Dreaded RBF: AKA “Resting Bitch Face” | This May Surprise You!), I officially decided I despised them!
I Find “Self-Help” Seminars So Cringey!
Admittedly, I was curious. I did want to see what all the fuss was about, and I know I could have used some help in one way or another. But I really found that so many of these self-help labeled avenues can just be another way to disguise a well thought out money pit that feeds off people’s desperation for a better life, mindset, etc.
Don’t Come At Me
Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe in the overall concept of cultivating self love and self-improvement or working on personal growth, obviously, have you seen my blog? I mean, you’re here right now! 😉 But I CRINGE at the actual term “self-help” and find myself totally steering clear of most things in this “category”.
So you may or may not find yourself laughing a bit at the fact that my “lifestyle” blog focuses in a BIG way on self-development and self-improvement! I know I did!
But I didn’t call it “Self-help”!! so….LOL… Just kidding.
For me, it’s really about focusing on the actual concept of helping YOURSELF develop. Whereas, other resources promising to “help” almost sell the idea that they’ll fix your problems for you.
Without shaming the category as a whole, this isn’t a self-help hate article…I wanted to try and find a way to help others like myself who are genuinely trying to improve their life but not to give it the stereotypical approach that seems to be everywhere.
And before you say it..
Yeah, yeah, I know doing affirmations is one of these stereotypical approaches! But I still stand by this one. Don’t knock it till you’ve really tried it!
A Different Approach To Cultivating Self Love
I do feel I need to reframe my own mindset on this concept of self-help, so I’m writing this article entirely for this purpose…
The general concept of self-help can sometimes feel like an overwhelming sea of clichés, buzzwords, and unrealistic expectations.
If you’re someone who cringes at the thought of self-help but still desires to cultivate self-love and personal growth, this is for you.
I want to explore some practical and authentic ways to embrace self-love without the fluff and clichés.
But before I outline the ten ways that have helped me view it in a less negative light, I also want to point out that I still don’t love the term self-help in general and I think that’s totally ok. But call it what we want, I think trying to find happiness in life is nothing we need to be ashamed of.
I’m currently in the middle of reading a pretty popular book called: “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life” By Mark Manson. Now I’m still in the process of working through it, so I may change my mind on a few things here but overall I feel he makes some great points on this subject. So far, I’d recommend it to anyone who might find this entire concept awful but still hope to improve something in their life.
With that said,, there’s also some points I don’t necessarily agree with (totally my prerogative). You’ll have to check it out for yourself to form your own opinions. As for me, I am hoping to find a middle ground between his approach and what I’ve had experience with on my own journey to self-improvement and living a more fulfilling life.
A middle ground
This middle ground I hope to find is one where I’m not totally miserable (where I was at one point not too long ago… check out Self-Worth And What It Means To Me | My Story.) but also not be on the other extreme and finding myself just “not giving a f*ck* in general.
Sure, the concept has merit, but I also don’t think that caring about improving your life is as cut-and-dry as the author makes it out to be. What I mean by this is that I know focusing on what you can improve can make you aware of what you lack, BUT I don’t think that’s all there is to it by any means.
Ok, moving on.
What are some ways to cultivate a higher sense of self-worth, increase the love you feel towards yourself, and gain a stronger, more positive confidence in the process?
10 Ways To View Self-Help In A Less Cringe-worthy Light:
1. Redefine What “Self-Help” Is To You:
- Acknowledge that self-help doesn’t have to fit into a rigid mold or follow trendy advice. Instead, view it as a journey of self-discovery and personal growth tailored to your unique needs and preferences.
- Embrace a more pragmatic approach to self-help that focuses on actionable strategies, critical thinking, and individual empowerment rather than quick fixes or one-size-fits-all solutions.
2. Embrace Your Imperfections:
- Recognize that perfection is an illusion and that embracing imperfection is essential for self-love and acceptance. Give yourself permission to make mistakes, learn from failures, and grow as a result.
- Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during challenging times. Cultivate a mindset of progress over perfection and celebrate your efforts and progress along the way.
- Understand that although your path to Self-Improvement may highlight your imperfections, that these may be a part of you that you can’t change so remember to give yourself grace.
3. Be Authentic In Your Self-Reflection:
- Engage in authentic self-reflection by exploring your values, beliefs, strengths, and areas for growth. Set aside time for introspection and journaling to gain clarity and insight into yourself.
- Be honest with yourself about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, even if they are uncomfortable or difficult to confront. Embrace vulnerability as a catalyst for personal growth and self-awareness.
4. Set Some Boundaries:
- Prioritize setting healthy boundaries in your relationships, work, and personal life to protect your well-being and honor your needs and values. Learn to say no to things that drain your energy or compromise your integrity.
- Communicate your boundaries assertively and respectfully, and be firm in upholding them, even if it means disappointing others. Remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-love and self-respect.
***This may be an unpopular opinion but setting boundaries can be a bit of a sticky situation in my experience. I fully support setting them as stated above, but there’s so much information overload out there on what exactly a toxic person is and why you need to cut them out of your life completely. I just ask you to proceed with caution. This is where I want to remind you (and myself) that NO ONE is perfect, and we all have our struggles. Though you should be careful on how you deal with someone you may find struggling, keep in mind that although they may be struggling and demonstrating “toxic” behavior, sometimes that doesn’t mean they’re actually “toxic” – maybe I should write a whole article on what I mean here…
5. Practice Gratitude:
- Cultivate a practice of gratitude by acknowledging and appreciating the blessings, joys, and simple pleasures in your life. Start a gratitude journal or take time each day to reflect on what you’re thankful for.
- Focus on gratitude as a mindset shift rather than a superficial exercise. Cultivate an attitude of appreciation and abundance, even in the face of challenges or setbacks.
- Remember to be grateful for WHO you are, and WHAT your strengths are. Don’t use self-help as a way to validate your desire to be something totally different, especially if that may not be entirely attainable without losing yourself in the process.
6. Find Joy in the Ordinary:
- Embrace the beauty of everyday moments and find joy in the ordinary aspects of life. Slow down and savor simple pleasures such as a warm cup of tea, a walk out in nature, or an amazing conversation with a friend.
- Practice mindfulness by being fully present in the moment and letting go of distractions and worries. Try to create a sense of wonder and curiosity about the world around you as it presents itself NOW.
7. Have Self-Compassion:
- Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend in need. Be gentle with yourself during times of difficulty or suffering.
- Challenge self-critical thoughts and beliefs with self-compassionate responses. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and acceptance, regardless of your flaws or shortcomings.
8. Nurture Your Meaningful Connections:
- Prioritize nurturing meaningful connections with others who uplift, support, and inspire you. Surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are and encourage your personal growth.
- Invest time and energy in cultivating relationships that bring joy, fulfillment, and authenticity to your life. Practice reciprocity and mutual support in your friendships and social interactions.
9. Embrace Your Form Of Self-Expression:
- Explore creative outlets for self-expression such as writing, art, music, or dance. Allow yourself to express your thoughts, feelings, and experiences authentically and without judgment.
- Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it’s painting, gardening, cooking, or playing an instrument. Use self-expression as a form of self-care and personal empowerment.
10. Celebrate Your Journey:
- Celebrate your journey of self-discovery and personal growth, no matter how small or incremental your progress may seem. Acknowledge your resilience, courage, and resilience in navigating life’s challenges.
- Embrace the process of self-love as a lifelong journey rather than a destination. Celebrate your strengths, embrace your uniqueness, and honor your authenticity every step of the way.
Conclusion:
Self-love doesn’t have to be synonymous with self-help clichés and trends. By embracing authenticity, imperfection, and pragmatism, you can create a deeper sense of self-love and personal fulfillment on your own terms.
Remember that self-love is a journey of self-discovery, growth, and acceptance, and it’s never too late to start embracing and celebrating who you truly are.
I know it’s challenging sometimes to not get caught up in the excess information out there on what self-love and self-help entails, but when you find yourself overwhelmed, focus on that one word that’s attached to nearly all the terms: SELF.
This is your journey.
This is your attempt to build a relationship with YOU. I know it’s cliche (haha) but there’s not another one of YOU. You’re it. So there isn’t any one-size-fits-all approach, but thank goodness there’s most likely a few thousand people that relate closely.
So find what fits for you and roll with it.
I’m hoping my journey is relatable to someone, and even better truly helps them in some way.
I don’t want to just encourage some random cliche approaches that I don’t actually use or attempt myself.
But if any of these tips resonate and you want to try them? DO IT! Or, if you have tried some of my strategies above or have something you feel could be added, please leave a comment below!
Looking forward to hearing from you!
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